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How to Tell (if you're really into it).
By Chip Haynes
This piece first appeared in Mason's Wire Donkey Bike Zine. Subscription information follows this article.
So it kind of struck me this morning that I might really be into this bicycling thing. I won't tell how I figured this out, but let's just say it was one of the items listed below. How many of these are you guilty of?
You wake up with "bed head," but you're not worried. You know "helmet hair" will fix it. As a result, you think "shmushed" is a hair style. Why carry a comb?
This is a two-parter. Your either walk around the office until noon with those pant leg cuff bands still attached (and no one bothers to mention it); or it's so cold in the office that you put them back on just to keep your legs warm. Either way, you're still wearing them long after you've parked the bike.
Your co-workers are all talking about how bad traffic was this morning, and you just thought you were having a really good day, passing lots of cars. Conversely, you might mention how hard the wind was blowing and get nothing but blank stares from those same co-workers, none of whom noticed it on their drive in to work.
In a similar vein, someone asks you for directions and you mention a hill no one in a car would ever notice. (I've had arguments with neighbors over this one, about hills less than a block from my home.) Hint: Don't mention the hills.
Someone starts talking about their "bike," and you listen only to the point that it becomes obvious it's about a motorcycle. I think you're entitled, at this point, to put your eyebrows back up where they belong and wander off.
Along those lines, a friend mentions having seen the new Pontoon Mudstorm V14 Sports Coupe, and you have no idea what they might be talking about. Then you say the word "Shimano" and they all think you can speak Japanese. This one's an even trade, I think.
You pedal in to work on an "iffy" day, and everyone's amazed that you did so. They drive in on a perfect day, and fail to see the irony of your questioning how they got to work that day.
You understand perfectly only one line Bob Dylan ever mumbled: "You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows." Need I say more?
Okay, so I was guilty of numbers 1 and 2a this morning--oh, and number 8 as well, but it was a tail wind. Still, at one time or another, we have probably all experienced the fun and games of being The Lone Cyclist, an oddball outcast in an office full of motorheads. That's okay, we all know who's gonna win this one, with or without that stylish helmet hair.
Keep your bike tires pumped!
To subscribe to Mason's Wire Donkey Bike Zine, contact Mason St. Clair at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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